i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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