Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
