My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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