I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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