So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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