After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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