Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
