trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
