what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
