Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
