I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
