her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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