your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
