Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize