Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
