I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
