5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
