i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
