she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
