SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
