Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
