I wannas sexs uuuuu
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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