her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
