What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
