no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
