I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
