You don't have asthma, your pregnant
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
