I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize