hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
