You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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