i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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