Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
