I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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