My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
