So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
