remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was like eating out sand paper
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
