So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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