I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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