dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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