i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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