My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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