Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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