Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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