I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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