i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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