i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
