All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
