i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
