just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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