i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
