It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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