two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
