dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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