Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
