ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
