Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize