i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
