some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
