There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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