She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize