Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
