since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
