I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
