its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
