He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
