i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
