I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
