I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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