My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
