Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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