I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
