i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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