taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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