he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
