College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He has the fingertips of a God
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
