Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
