If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
