i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
areolas are like halos for boobs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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