I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
