I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
