i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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