Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
