she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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