I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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