did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
