Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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