So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
