I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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