So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize