I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
