You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Houston, we have a squirter
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
