i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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