We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
