Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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